I want doesnt get!

Oh goodness me its been a right old rollercoaster week for me, nearly didnt write this post as im feeling a bit sorry for myself but im slowly trying to emerge more peacefully from my horrible situations.

I managed to have a little bump in my car last sunday which didnt seem too serious at first, but ive now been contacted by the garage which the insurance company had arranged to look at the car and they have to get the assessor out from the insurance company as the work it needs doing may not make it 'environmentally viable'-in other words, its a write off.
Ive checked my policy and it states it will be worth its 'market value' in this situation,

so, im not looking forward to the bat and ball game of the insurance company telling me what they think its woth and what they're prepared to offer, and what amount im happy to accept.

Mr P is used to all this, farm machinery claims go in all the time and he just says dont worry, but we all know how short funds are at the moment and this is a headache i could do without.

Sorry to moan, this just added to the things getting me down, so frustrating.

Ive also been missing one of my best friends, James, who was sadly taken from us in a car crash earlier this year. He was Poppy's god father, best man at my wedding, and passed away on her birthday. I know they say time heals but five months on im still struggling. With all the memorial arrangements going on i cant seem to stop thinking about him.

I know havnt posted about this before but whats the point of keeping it bottled up?

We've all lost loved ones who we miss, you try to remember the good times so its not so hard, and, as lucky as im am to have a lovely life and family which i appreciate immensely, in the end, you just miss them. I suffer from anxiety attacks occasionally which have affected me alot recently so i need to get that sorted as they make me feel even more dreadful. I need to get this dark cloud lifted......

This year hasnt started off well for us, and im hoping this past month is just a blip so please bear with me x

On a happier note, some news im now able to share is that we've bought the farm we live on...

Not by ourselves, its part of the family business now, but means we have a home for life, which is such a relief as this has been hanging over us for a year since we found out that our landlord wanted to sell the farm. Mr p's brother and family will be moving in next door shortly so it'll be a family farm through and through. Half of the farm will be rented by Bruce, a local pig farmer and Mr P has promised we can keep a couple from one of Bruces pogs(groups of piglets). I might even be able to be more involved with the farm...we shall see.

Now the shabby chic shack(as we call it)can be fully renovated, (although this wont happen for a good few years), which is very exciting.
Mr P has already started renovating the old rayburn we rescued and has a plan for which walls he wants to knock through in the kitchen diner. He also bought a wooden framed conservatory from an old farmer for £50 this week and i cant wait for the summer to be over so he can build it for me.

Im glad for my girls too as it now means they can stay in their lovely village school with all their friends...

The the ideas for the house are just whizzing round my head, when i feel up to it i might do some more ideas scrapbooking, theres so much i want to do there, so many things i 'want' but as Ruby would say, 'i want doesnt get', so i should probably say, i would like.

Starting with a greenhouse and potting shed, id like to have a garden full of flowers for cutting at this time next year. I would like to get my kitchen completely finished and not keep staring at the tatty tiles which must be replaced...But i wont get bogged down with all these 'i wants', im only 26 so i should probably let my home elvolve as i do. For now im just going to appreciate it. Additionally, now the business has over a thousand acres of farmland(scary)and a very large mortgage(even scarier). It will mean a few years of very very hard work. I shall have to learn to get used to things being 'done' at a slower pace than i would like-after all, good things come to those who wait dont they?
I hope you dont mind me sharing my ups and downs today...enjoy your weekends x