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Homemaker and Mama to 4 beautiful children. My daily journey through life on our farm.

Saturday, 27 June 2009

I want doesnt get!

Oh goodness me its been a right old rollercoaster week for me, nearly didnt write this post as im feeling a bit sorry for myself but im slowly trying to emerge more peacefully from my horrible situations.
I managed to have a little bump in my car last sunday which didnt seem too serious at first, but ive now been contacted by the garage which the insurance company had arranged to look at the car and they have to get the assessor out from the insurance company as the work it needs doing may not make it 'environmentally viable'-in other words, its a write off.
Ive checked my policy and it states it will be worth its 'market value' in this situation,
so, im not looking forward to the bat and ball game of the insurance company telling me what they think its woth and what they're prepared to offer, and what amount im happy to accept.
Mr P is used to all this, farm machinery claims go in all the time and he just says dont worry, but we all know how short funds are at the moment and this is a headache i could do without.
Sorry to moan, this just added to the things getting me down, so frustrating.

Ive also been missing one of my best friends, James, who was sadly taken from us in a car crash earlier this year. He was Poppy's god father, best man at my wedding, and passed away on her birthday. I know they say time heals but five months on im still struggling. With all the memorial arrangements going on i cant seem to stop thinking about him.
I know havnt posted about this before but whats the point of keeping it bottled up?
We've all lost loved ones who we miss, you try to remember the good times so its not so hard, and, as lucky as im am to have a lovely life and family which i appreciate immensely, in the end, you just miss them. I suffer from anxiety attacks occasionally which have affected me alot recently so i need to get that sorted as they make me feel even more dreadful. I need to get this dark cloud lifted......

This year hasnt started off well for us, and im hoping this past month is just a blip so please bear with me x
On a happier note, some news im now able to share is that we've bought the farm we live on...

Not by ourselves, its part of the family business now, but means we have a home for life, which is such a relief as this has been hanging over us for a year since we found out that our landlord wanted to sell the farm. Mr p's brother and family will be moving in next door shortly so it'll be a family farm through and through. Half of the farm will be rented by Bruce, a local pig farmer and Mr P has promised we can keep a couple from one of Bruces pogs(groups of piglets). I might even be able to be more involved with the farm...we shall see.
Now the shabby chic shack(as we call it)can be fully renovated, (although this wont happen for a good few years), which is very exciting.
Mr P has already started renovating the old rayburn we rescued and has a plan for which walls he wants to knock through in the kitchen diner. He also bought a wooden framed conservatory from an old farmer for £50 this week and i cant wait for the summer to be over so he can build it for me.

Im glad for my girls too as it now means they can stay in their lovely village school with all their friends...

The the ideas for the house are just whizzing round my head, when i feel up to it i might do some more ideas scrapbooking, theres so much i want to do there, so many things i 'want' but as Ruby would say, 'i want doesnt get', so i should probably say, i would like.
Starting with a greenhouse and potting shed, id like to have a garden full of flowers for cutting at this time next year. I would like to get my kitchen completely finished and not keep staring at the tatty tiles which must be replaced...But i wont get bogged down with all these 'i wants', im only 26 so i should probably let my home elvolve as i do. For now im just going to appreciate it. Additionally, now the business has over a thousand acres of farmland(scary)and a very large mortgage(even scarier). It will mean a few years of very very hard work. I shall have to learn to get used to things being 'done' at a slower pace than i would like-after all, good things come to those who wait dont they?
I hope you dont mind me sharing my ups and downs today...enjoy your weekends x


Devon Dumpling said...

I am sorry to hear that you have been having some lows of late but at least you have some highs to keep you going.
It is always sad when someone is taken from us before their time but I am sure that you will find a way to deal with these feelings at some point and put them in a pocket of your mind so that whilst you never forget this person, you think of the happy times that you shared together. x

mitmot said...

What a relief about the farm. My Mum and Brother are both tenant farmers so i really understand your problems.

I am sure all of your dreams will come true at some point. keep smiling
MM xx

Mandy said...

It will all be fine honey, listen to your Auntie Mandy x And sometimes just writing it down really helps xxxxxxxxx

Sal said...

Sending you huge hugs.
I've been through anxiety attacks so know full well what you are going through.
Hopefully,you will have good times ahead...good luck to all of you with the farm. It all sounds quite exciting and your girls are so lucky to be brought up in such wonderful surroundings.

Bertie x said...

So sorry to hear of your sad loss, I'm sure it will be easier for you in time.

You have so much to be looking forward to. Congratulations on buying the farm, you and your family have such exciting times ahead. I wish you all the best of luck with your plans and dreams.
Bertie x

THIS'N'THAT said...

Yes, lots of 'wants' but all showing waht determined. focused folk you are. Well done re the farm, keep negotaitions open re the car price and it will go up (been there and done that!). Re the sad loss of your special friend - I know how that can be. make something that you do (a bit of garden, a tree planting or whatever, just for him ... a happy place to go & think about him on those days when the sun shines at its brightest. Fill your lives with the happiness that he would wish upon you. :)
Lesley X

Lydia said...

So nice to see you blogging, but saddened to read that things have been so stressful for you recently. Hope all goes well with the farm - how excitingly scary! Time will be a healer, but its because you come to terms, and find a coping mechanism that works for you, & theere is no right or wrong lengtyh of time to do this in. Been through something similar & its so hard.

Love Lydia

Deb said...

Wonderful news about the farm Kirsty. So sad to hear you have been feeling really sad of late , don't forget thats what we are all here for ... to listen and to help ease those burdens. We all have sad times and its those times we need "generic Friends" to help bear the pain. Feel free to babble, about good and bad and about any subject. You have many happy times ahead of you now to look forward to, open your heart to wonderful memories, hold them close and mae many more. big hugs xx

little mouses said...

Hi,I just came across your blog, as you do once you start looking,and one leads to another. Your pics are all lovely and I share in your passion for the Cath.
I hope things start to get better for you,I'm off to put myself on your following list.Best wishes Katie.

MelMel said...

Thanks for the email hunni....sometimes you just have to get things that hurt out and share.....I know I did, it somehow feels better to do it....we are both feeling that dreadful sense of loss, its the worst feeling ever knowing that you can never have what you had before....
If you were here now I'd give you a hug so I'm sending you one((()))
I'm here if you wan to email me, do....togther we can help each other....



MelMel said...

P.S...I'm so thrilled the farm house/farm is all sorted...a home for life certainly sounds lovely.....I'm so glad for you all...xxx

LissyLou said...

Lets hope next week isn't so up and down xx

sarah-jane down the lane said...

Hi Krsty,

Thanks for calling in to my blog! I am also a serial "I wanter!" but I like to think of it as hopes, dreams and aspirations!

I hope this week is turning out brighter for you,
Love Sarah x

lou said...

You really have been on a rollercoaster! I hope things will look up for you now.
What lovely news about your farm! I’m not very good at waiting for things to be done, so you are not alone.

I hope this week is a better one for you-love Lou xxx