....A Farmers Wife....: Christmas shiz...

Yeah it's been a while since I've blogged, I literally feel like I don't have time to brush my teeth these days(don't worry, I do it whilst I'm on the loo, unhygienic multi tasking at its best there).

So it really pisses me off that people comment that if I'm so busy, how come I have time for social media?

Well, I breastfeed Annie at least every two to three hours(day & night, yawn), & after checking my bank account(still empty), my emails, reading the school newsletter, checking my followed searches in eBay, txting my husband an 'SOS I need a cuppa' at least three times a day, checking the weather, reading the daily mail(don't judge), I pretty much have a good ten minutes left to myself to do what the hell I like!

Usually, Instagram first. I like to see people's beautiful houses, rugs without stains(the cat pissed on ours last week), in front of roaring fires(how the hell do you people not have walls black with smoke, our log burner has doors & the picture frames are still filthy!) with pretty lights hung above(I've made three trips to various stores trying to locate the perfect shade of 'white' fairy lights(and sodding failed in my quest)!

I like to see toddlers eating healthily, drinking from miniature Emma bridgewater mugs, eventhough I've packed my son off to school with a twix, a hot cross bun & a go ahead yogurt bar(sugar high!) & his current favourite cup to drink from is the free snoopy one which came with last weeks McDonalds. I guess it's nice to 'escape' the madness, even if a lot of what we see is fictional(for want of a better word)

Facebook is probably where I'll head next, im basically just nosey, which is why I don't post as much there as I do on IG, it annoys me that people only know what's going on in our life because they've read it, not because they've made the effort to be around us? Do you get me there?

So stop judging me.

I do love seeing what everyone has been up to at Xmas time, it's my bit of escapism, eventhough I'm sad we don't get time to do some of the things other do...There's been no time for a grotto visit, to carefully select a real tree from a Xmas tree farm as a family, to wrap pretty bows on presents(if it has a name label I'm winning), or to drink hot chocolate in a lovely pub on a Saturday afternoon.

Even Rudolph put two fingers up at me.

You'd think Farmer's aren't so busy in the winter? WRONG!

Now, it's not like Nige is a turkey farmer, or supplying the whole village with logs, but he is always working. 7 days a week. I have no idea how my single mum friends aren't just rocking in a corner for long periods of the day, as when he is home he is my saviour, able to calm a screaming baby with just a 'hello', telling me I'm beautiful (ok he's not that romantic but he tells me he'd smash my back doors in) on a daily basis when I look my worst after zero sleep & a terrible diet of tea & biscuits.

So all child/house related jobs fall to me, and as I've said before, farmhouses aren't like real houses-they're NOT what you see in country living mag, nooooowhere near.

Hashtag dontbefooled.

They're dirty, with actual mud, sometimes shit. Dog hair, 'stuff' which has to stay out(paperwork for DEFRA/land agents/animal passports etc etc) our cottage is too tiny for a swish study.

There's always coffee granuals & water on the worktop, always muddy boots at perfect tripping location as you pass through the hallway with a baby in your arms. Always four loads of washing a day ALWAYS.

Our bins even have to be hauled a mile down the lane & guess who gets that lovely job?(with a baby in a sling, lucky me).

Wrapping. With a baby. Give me strength oh lord.

And just like that, it's Christmas. It creeps up on you!

I've bought & paid for every gift myself.

I've wrapped every gift myself.

I've trawled ten shops for that one perfect thing I know my father will love to receive.

I've attended carol concerts at 9pm when I want to hibernate with a Baileys & a blanket.

I've got tangled in fairy lights, banged my head getting the decs out of the eaves, driven back to school to drop off forgotten Xmas cards/food/party clothes.....I've DONE Christmas.

My husband, he's done nothing. Not a sausage(or pig in blanket if you will). It makes me want to strangle him most years. It's incredibly frustrating doing it ALL alone on top of the fact he's a total Scrooge & hates everything about Christmas.

(Yes I let him play at the font so I could watch the carol concert in peace)

So I just want to remind you all that when you feel like you want to stab your husband because you sent him to the garage for more prosecco an hour ago & he got distracted lining up spanners in his new snap on tool box, or you have a massive row about who turned the cooker off at the wall..just remember, you are superwoman.

Hashtag Ithinkshelikeshimbestgoddammit

Take a deep breath, pour another drink(alcoholic of course, tea ain't gonna get you through this day) & hide for ten minutes, anywhere, the loo, the garden, anywhere they won't find you.

You are not alone, there are a million other wives and girlfriends out there in the same boat, opening a shit present, feeling guilty for eating a whole tin of Roses(...before Xmas started), getting annoyed with tiny bits of wrapping paper all over the house, wishing they'd remembered to upload their iPhone pics to the laptop because it's full (& who the hell uses a 'proper' camera these days....)